RANAD in Australia: Sydney and Melbourne

You know you’re in Australia when the homeless people are wearing UGGs.....

Australia is far. Very far. This is why we decided to send Rob on a reconnaissance mission two weeks ahead of us just to test the waters... and he threw in a few workshops along the way. On the day of his departure, there was an electrical fire at Pearson airport, and so Rob was re-routed to a different flight. In the mayhem of the electrical fire and airport staff being unclear on how to proceed, Rob was told to do one thing by the police, only to be told the exact opposite by airport security. After several back and forths between security and police, which included Rob asking the security guard if he was going to taser him, Rob was kicked out and told to return to the airline desk (as was everyone else). Ironically, while waiting to be re-routed back at the Delta desk, Rob and the others noticed a huge sign that read, “Pearson, voted Canada’s most improved airport!” Hmmm.....

Two weeks later, with Rob half a globe away, the rest of RANAD embarked on the journey to Oz. Due to an electrical fire in Detroit, the plane never arrived (okay, we don’t actually know about the electrical fire, but either way our plane was held up). So... the rest of us were also rerouted. Now, just to preface, every mildly annoying thing that can go wrong in air travel did go wrong. First the flight was delayed, then the flight was re-routed, then the re-routed flight was delayed, then one bag didn’t make it onto the rerouted flight, then we almost missed the connection in L.A., and finally, the rest of the bags were lost (clearly they just couldn’t keep up).

So our first day in Sydney we went shopping for underwear. Really really really expensive underwear. Why? Because the bags were still lost, and everything in Australia is a tad expensive....even the underwear. FYI, minimum wage is about $18/hour here, so they can afford $20 gotchies.

Fresh underwear in hand, we enjoyed strolling the city, watching some talented buskers (Everything After – if you wanna check them out on Youtube), and then headed out for a yummy dinner in Chinatown, where one of the most authentic places to eat is called, “Eating World,” basically a food court with absolutely no ambiance. One of the differences in this Chinatown compared to ours was the ubiquitous dessert cafés, serving Taiwanese and Hong Kong style desserts; stuff like mango on shaved ice with coconut milk, flavourless red beans on shaved ice with molasses jello, sesame pancakes, etc. The descriptions here say it all, some of it tasted good, some of it not so much.

On the following day we took a boat tour of the Sydney Harbour.

It was a great opportunity to get a feel for the greater Sydney area.
Our septuagenarian guide was a bit atypical for his age, continually checking his iphone whilst giving a tour of the harbour. Needless to say, it was not the most compelling tour, but it was somewhat informative (both about both Sydney, and the modern day grandpa).

Later that night, we went home and watched the Olympics. We couldn’t believe that all this time we’d never realized that the Australians are the true stars of the entire Olympic games- or at least that’s what the coverage here would lead you to believe. Really, it’s remarkable how little they cover of any country other than their own. In one rowing event they placed second, and the coverage cut away from the event before we could see who got the bronze. As for swimming, was Michael Phelps even in this Olympics?

On the topic of sports, anyone a Footie fan? The Aussies are obsessed with it here, packing stadiums with 70,000 fans at $18 a ticket: Australian rules football. It’s sort of a cross between soccer and rugby, though it would appear to not have any consistent rules whatsoever. We’ve decided that Footie is a game created by a bunch of 10 year old sore losers who couldn’t win a real match of rugby, so they just kept changing the rules as they went along: sometimes you have to throw the ball, sometimes you can’t throw the ball, sometimes you run with the ball, sometimes you dribble the ball, sometimes you kick the ball through your opponents post, sometimes you kick the ball through your own posts. Really. We can’t seem to make heads or tails of the game. But it does seem to be highly aerobic, apparently they run upwards of 20 km. a game.

The next day we went on a bike tour with Matt, an aspiring actor and sometimes tour guide.

Matt was long on entertainment, short on factual accuracy, claiming for example that the American Revolution occurred in 1786...hmm... We think we learned some interesting information about Sidney, although it’s hard to know for sure. Apparently the Matrix was filmed in Sidney...? Apparently Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise’s Sydney condo sold for 12 million...? What we do know for sure is that we biked across the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the view was spectacular. We tried lemon-lime bitters and some local beer. And we cycled to all the major sites of Sidney, including the Sydney Opera house. Apparently the architect, fired from the project for overspending, left the country, and never returned to see his project completed...?

The next day we took the ferry to Cockatoo Island, a now defunct shipyard. There was an exhibit of installation art all over the island from various artists. We found ourselves feeling a bit torn between wanting to be more open minded to this esoteric art, wishing we were more open minded, and finding ourselves not so open minded. Much of the art often appeared to be a conglomeration of seemingly random objects placed in a room attached to “deep” artist statements that were quite a stretch (“These two pieces of hanging cloth represent the divide between the East and West of this world,” and the like).

There were, however, a couple of really cool pieces, like a room filled with thousands of paper guns that opened up like a fan into colourful paper flowers. There was also an Uruguayan artist whose sketches, reminiscent of Dali, filled the walls of a room with distorted grotesque figures and political messages.

That night we saw the first night of Sydney's Improv festival at the New Theatre in Newtown. This very talented bunch came from all over the English speaking world, and we definitely had a lot of fun at this show. The next day we rented a car, and drove to the Blue Mountains outside of Sydney where we did a hike and saw some really massive trees. We discovered a new bird call: The Whistle and Bell. It's two birds that call to each other, and one sounds like a whistle, the other like a bell, although honestly, it sounded more like a whip to us. As we were losing daylight at the end of our hike, Aviva was straggling behind and to encourage her, Diane suggested she imagine she was late for an audition that was being held back at the car. It worked. We should add that this day trip involved Rob learning how to drive on the left side of the road (recall that we said we had rented a car). As if learning how to drive on the left side of the road wasn’t difficult enough, Rob had the additional challenge of dealing with the occasional terrified shrieks and gasps coming from Diane.

Let’s talk a bit about the weather in Australia. As we were preparing to leave Toronto, Diane kept reminding us that it was winter in Australia. But did we believe her? Not really. Even Diane didn’t fully believe her. Every day that we’ve been here, we’ve had to add a piece of clothing: hats, gloves, scarves, thermal undershirts, thermal underwear, and Aviva even bought a winter coat. There is this denial of winter that even the Australians seem to indulge in as well. There is totally inadequate heating in the hotels, so you’ve got to really go under the covers at nights. They seem to have these space heaters that they use in restaurants, which are something like huge toaster ovens, and appear to be fire hazards not unlike real toaster ovens.

Next we flew to Melbourne, a much less eventful flight than any of our journeys over here. The first night in Melbourne, we had a real Aussie barbecue with Rob’s new colleagues, Brendan and Di whose beef and lamb were raised on their own farm. Interestingly, in order to maintain their small herd, they periodically rent a male to get the job done from a business called “Rent-a-Bull.” Seriously. At Di and Brendan's the plan had been to put on our togs (bathing suits), and get in the spa (Jacuzzi) before dinner. Rob, Noah, and Aaron did so, but the gals? Well.... remember it is winter in Australia. After dinner, the kids jammed with Brendan and Di’s younger son, Rob, whose rendition of Santana’s “Black Magic Woman” was spot on.

Our hotel in Melbourne was right next to the Queen Victoria market, this fabulous foodie heaven. Each morning we went there to buy fresh baked goods, cheeses, Tazmanian salmon, home-made yogurt, you name it, for our breakfasts and lunches. YUM!!

On day two, while Diane did a workshop in Melbourne, Rob and the kids did a free hop-on hop-off bus tour of the city. Melbourne like Sydney is gorgeous in its own way. Sydney has the spectacular harbour, bridge, opera house and hills. Melbourne has the architecture, the arts, the fashion, and the river.

On our last day in Melbourne, we did another bike tour.

Our guide, Brian, a 62-year old graphic artist who lived here all his life, was very knowledgeable. In fact, he is 7th generation Australian. His great great great great grandparents were BOTH convicts brought to Australia on the first fleet. Because they were a couple, they were given some land to work along the Paramatta River and two labourers (also convicts). The story goes that they served goat at their wedding, and not unsurprisingly, shortly after the nuptials,one of the General's goats was found to be missing. The newlyweds were arrested for stealing the goat, but claimed that the goat was already dead when they "found" it, so they were subsequently let off. In addition to hearing about Brian's ancestors, along with seeing the sites and history of Melbourne, it was a bit of a foodie tour as well. We went to an fabulous Italian bakery where we had pastries and coffee, returning to the market for lunch: bourekas like we’ve never had before. But more about the amazing food and coffee here next time...

Next stop? The Great Ocean Road....

Talk to you soon.

Love,
RANAD!!